The Worst Week

It was one year ago today that we took Cassandra to the hospital for the surgery that would ultimately lead to her death. We had been following the surgeon's orders not to give Cassandra any nutrition since shortly after midnight, and she wouldn't get any more until after her surgery. Due to unforseen circumstances, Cassie's surgery was delayed and the long long time and the lack of nutrition and drop in blood sugar caused the brain injury that killed her.


I have looked back to this day many times over the last year and part of what makes me sad is that, if we had it to do all over again, I think we would have. We trusted the surgeon and the feeding orders. We trusted the surgical team to watch Cassandra carefully. There was no reason not to. Why they let her blood sugar get so low, why they let Cassandra go so long without eating, why they scheduled surgery on an 19 month-old tube-fed child so late in the afternoon, we'll probably never know. I just know, with the information I knew back then, there wasn't much if anything I would have done differently.

So begins the first anniversary of the worst week of my life. I try very very hard not to think about that week, the doctors, the hospital, how Cassie looked, how I felt. It's just too painful and not at all theraputic. I'm sure I'll think about it a lot this week, though.

I'll just have to think about the good times with Cassie Boo more.