Oh God, How I Miss Her
I'm able to work from home several days a week now and it is pretty nice. It's convenient, quiet, and I can walk around in my underwear, too. However, being alone at home I find myself really really missing Cassandra. I don't think she would still be at home if she were sill alive - she was doing so well after we we changed her formula, I think she would have been able to go to school and day care - but I think about being here working and taking care of Cassie, too, and I think it would have been neat. There isn't anything that I do now where I don't think it would be a little better with Cassie here. We go to the train, out to eat, shopping, and Cassie always made it more fun. I never got to take her to a baseball game either and that really sucks - a right of passage for a father that I'll never get back. But most of all, I miss snuggling up for naps with her. Cassie was a super napper and we could fall asleep anywhere together. As long as she had a warm arm around her and a soft shoulder on which to rest her head, she was in heaven.And when I was holding her, so was I.
posted by Todd Akers @ 2:36 PM
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1 Comments:
Cassie was such a wonderful sleeper when she was being held. When Cassie was really really sick last year you couldn't put her down or she would wake up in just a few minutes. The only person I knew who could hold her until she fell asleep and then put her down was my dad. He would hold her while watching TV, then just lay her down next to him and she would just keep sleeping. It was amazing. Of course Dad is the only one who can consistantly get Lesley to go back to sleep when she gets up too early so I guess he just has Super Grandad magical powers.
Dad was so good with Cassie. He could tube fed her and did a wonderful job at it. He actually figured out ways to fed her that didn't cause her discomfort or make her want to throw up. We got so little support from other friends and family members that it was wonderful having Dad come up and help us with the girls.
Everytime Cassie was in the hospital he would drop EVERYTHING and come up and help with Lesley or just stay by Cassie's side in the hospital. He would walk around the hosptial talking to other parents about their kids or helping hold them when their mom's needed a break.
When Cassie was in the PICU you would have thought it was my Dad's child who was in there. He was there first thing in the morning and was the last person to leave at night. He left briefly one day for a doctor's appointment. I was shocked that he could leave until I saw how huge his lymph nodes were... The week after Cassie died Dad found out he had cancer. He has just completed his 6 weeks of radiation and chemotherapy. One day I will tell the story of how dad says Cassie helped him through radiation. I am just thrilled because after 3 weeks of not seeing Dad he is coming up to see us today!!!! I love my Dad and how much he loves my girls for who they are!
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