A Reality Check
I just wanted to post a quick note to let everyone who reads know that Daria, Lesley and I are hanging in there. I've received a lot of feedback, which I truely appreciate, but some of it concerns me and I wanted to address that.
Please don't think that - because most of my posts are sad and downright depressing - our family is constanly crying or are totally consumed with sadness and grief. Some days we do quite well. However the reason I started this blog was to help me work through my grief and express it in a fashion that is going to help me deal with it in a more and more positive manner. Therefore, I'm not going to post stuff like "Today was okay, work was fun, and we took Lesley to the train which was nice" or "OMG, the Cubs really stink!". This blog is about dealing with the grief, so the posts are going to reflect that. I hope that you've noticed that I'm posting less frequently now. Please take that as a sign that I'm starting to heal and the bad days - while they still come often - aren't as frequent as they used to be.
I really do thank all of you who have read my blog and have taken the time to drop me a note or give me a call to check in. I ask that you please continue to do so - we always love to hear from our friends.
And Oh My God! The Cubs really do stink.
posted by Todd Akers @ 8:40 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Great hearing from you, Todd, especially to confirm the status of your porcessing in this most difficult time of your lives. It does so encourage me that indeed the grief process is aided by this blog and that healing is happening..at whatever rate it takes at any time. Your honesty and candid nature have been a real blast of fresh air in a world where sometimes parts of lives are very hidden from each other in community. How wonderful to see and hear your family be as clear about the type of authentic type of relationship that you all desire and that you know fosters your growth. How much an honor to be part of that community with you!
Ever in Cassie's spirit of
love, Kitty
Todd and Daria...
Your Blog is amazing and I love reading it. I am now checking it everyday to see if there are any updates. You do a great job of sharing and also showing your feelings, both your strengths and weaknesses. Your transparency is also enlightening and empowering.
I am glad to experience the full picture of what you are going through. You are amazing people, and the stories you share help others out there as they go through tough times.
A wonderfully caring friend of mine wrote me a letter recently to tell me that he was concerned that our grief was overwhelming and that maybe we are having a hard time moving on. I was very touched by this letter and it caused me to look very closely at how we are dealing with Cassie's death.
Personally I think we are taking Cassie's death pretty well. I mean try to imagine trusting your yourgest daughter to the best and brightest of the medical field in one of the Top 10 Children's Hospital only to have her never wake up from routine surgery. Then imagine spending 8 days in the minefield that is a PICU with different doctors telling you everything from miracles happen to "if your child lives she will never recognize you again". Imagine living through the media swirl of the Terri Shivo case while touching your child's nonresponsive hand, wondering if you are going to have to make the same sickening decision soon. Then experiencing the guilty relief that you won't have to.
Imagine guiding your 3 year old through the pain of never seeing her sister and best friend again and a father who cries anytime he sees a photo of Cassie.
Now see how we are realing doing... We go to work everyday, we make sure Lesley is bathed and dressed in clean clothes, WE are bathed and in clean clothes, we are discovering who is there for us and who can't handle this and we are taking the time to make our marriage stronger. We smile and laugh but know that EVERYTHING we do would be better if Cassie was here. We take it one day at a time and sometimes one breath at a time... we will survive.
I am so saddened
Emily from CT
13 yrs old
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